An update? Wha?

Senior year of college is harder than I thought it would be. I'm not too excited about having to do my senior thesis along with four other classes next semester. Or about being in two seminars this semester. Who else has to write a thesis for their UNDERGRAD degree? If i wanted to write a thesis and live in a library, i think I would go to grad school, but maybe that's just me.

As of now, my plan is to return to the wonderful land of getting my teaching liscense. (which would be why I have to take four classes + thesis next semester) Its a good job that will make me money when I graduate that I can do anywhere.

Brad and I are planning on moving in together once I finish school. When I went to pay my rent for the month, my landlady asked me if I had a boy living with me. Confusedly, I told her no, just me and Caitlin. She then told me that she'd had complaints that there was a boy living here. I told her that my boyfriend stays over sometimes, but he by no means lives with us. She suggested that I shouldn't have him over as often. Do landlords/ladies have any right to tell you who comes over? I pay rent just like all the old bats that live in my building. I'm not going to tell them they can't have thier grandchildren come visit and run up and down stairs shrieking, why do they get to complain about me having my boyfriend over? Does anyone know anything about the legalities here? It almost feels like just because I'm young and we aren't married, he's not allowed here....and it sucks. Hugely. Epically.

My dad is turning 54 this weekend. I can't believe it. I can't believe that he's so old. I'm going to go visit him, as his birthday is Saturday and I have the day off. woohoo! I know my brat of a sister won't call him, so at least he won't be alone. I hate her.

Brad and I's sixth month anniversary (halfiversary?) is next week. It dosen't feel like its been that long. I really feel so different about him. He's amazing, and I can't wait for the future.

sad.

take take take. that's all i do.

i haven't hurt myself this bad in a long time.

friends--this IS a cry for help.

Harry Potter.

The series is over. The book is done. It was great. It was all a suprise, as I actively avoided reading spoilers. As I picked up my copy of the book, a guy came up next to me and flipped to the back and began to read loudly in order to know who died...So glad I didn't hear it. I never thought that one would have to resort to literally darting down the aisles of Target in order to avoid knowing what happens at the end of a book.

In other news, everything is great. Charlie is great, Brad is great, Work is great. Its all great.

drunk promises.

I love him and he loves me.

But he says it more when he's had half of a bottle of Jack.

Are we doomed to repeat the sadness of our childhoods?

Does everyone turn out just like their parents?

Fringe Friend

The days and days i spend alone make me realize one thing: I have no true friends.

yes, I have brad. and I have Sharon. But what about my other friends? People who swore that we got along, that they 'got' me, that we had some sort of connection based on girliness or a love of dancing or rum or whatnot? If i move away, they never call. They never go out of their way for me.

I'm that friend that you love to hang out with when they show up at a party or when they happen to be assigned to your dorm room, but once you're away, with people you really love, you never call.

My recent calls are all my parents, brad, and sharon. And a few people who wanted me to buy them beer or liquor.

I miss having real true best friends. Who would drop everything to come to you. I miss never having to worry about plans, because I knew that at some point in the night we'd all end up on Claire's couch playing Mario Party or all snuggled up in one big ball of bestfriendlove on Kat's bed.

I'm such a stupid bitch.

peculiar kitty behavior

My cat is a strange character. He'll run around and play all night long, while I constantly try to get him to sleep. All day, he'll curl up next to me on the couch and snooze, when I'd be happy to play the rolled up sock game or the feather on a stick game all day long. He's terrified of the bathtub (because, really what cat likes taking a bath?) but when i'm in the shower, he'll sit on the edge of the tub and watch me shower and then hop in and play with the mat once I turn the shower off. What a wierdo.

I miss Williamsburg. A lot. I've never spent the summer anywhere else, and its wierd. Really wierd. However, Brad and i did find an awesome park that I didn't know existed. Now all we need is Sno to Go and Pierce's and Peking and I might be satisfied.

I hate being poor. I'd kill for a sushi dinner and a night at the movies without worrying about how much any of it costs. When I lived at home, all of my income was disposable. I didn't worry about a thing, cause I didn't have any real obilgations. Now, i'm always worried and always on the edge of broke. It is for sucks.

Is it horrible that my apartment is so messy that I would literally be embarassed if anyone decided to come over, but I've spent all day reading a book and watching the food network? I just couldn't clean. I don't know why.

'ello poppet...

Long time no blog. I've finally returned to the world wide web, after a long hiatus due to poverty and an absentee roomate who dosen't want to help out with anything ever. Living alone is lonely sometimes, but I got cable today and Brad and Sharon come over whenever they please, so I'm not so lonely.

I have the coolest cat of life. My little Charlie. Right now he's curled up on one of my shoe chairs, completely passed out and oblivious to the world. He's the cutest. I heart him.

So if anyone in the blogosphere heads through my burg, feel free to give me a call and come and visit and have some cheap beer and meet my cat.

the waiting game

Only three more weeks left of school. Nineteen days and I'll be home for a week then its into my apartment. I have so much work to do before then. Spending all my free time riding about Fredericksburg with Brad hasn't helped my grades much. Oh well.

I absolutely cannot wait to get out of the dorms. Its killing me. This room is always a complete and utter mess, and now we have suitemate drama. Lamesauce. But seriously. Nineteen days. I can do it.

by request:

As requested by my lovely friend Willie:

• Hardback or trade paperback or mass market paperback? Trade Paperback all the way. Hardbacks are too expensive and mass markets hurt my hands. They also can't be the kind of trade paperbacks that have a movie cover. I hate that stuff.
• Amazon or brick and mortar? Brick and Mortar. I like to browse and open the books at random to read sections. I know Amazon does that search inside thing, but its just not the same.
• Barnes & Noble or Borders? Psha. Books A Million. Kidding. I actually like Barnes & Noble much better. It has a nicer atmosphere, I think.
• Bookmark or dogear? Dogear all the way. Every book I own deteriorates slowly because I dogear and take them to the beach and read them in the tub. A book isn't a good book unless you can tell its been well loved.
• Alphabetize by author or alphabetize by title or random? Random. I spent too much time alphabetizing at the bookstore. My tiny bookshelf is full of random books, and the rest are scattered about my bed/bathroom.
• Keep, throw away, or sell? Keep. I love rereading books.
• Keep dustjacket or toss it? Ehh. I try to keep it, but I always end up losing them.
• Read with dustjacket or remove it? Remove it. That shits annoying.
• Short story or novel? Novel. Short stories go by way too quickly. I read too fast to be sated by a short story.
• Short story collection (short stories by the same author) or anthology (short stories by a different author? Anthology. The last book of short stories I read, however, was Dubliners by James Joyce and that was just for school, so I can't really be too authoratative.
• Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket? Are you kidding me??? Harry Potter! I read one or two Lemony Snicket books and I hated them. I know they are all children's books, but Lemony Snicket seemed to talk down to people. I hated this: The Baudeliere twins were very apathetic, which here means that they didn't care. Seriously?? Kids can figure out vocabulary from context. Its how you learn.
• Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks? Chapter breaks. I will prop my eyelids open with toothpicks in order to reach a chapter break.
• “It was a dark and stormy night” or “Once upon a time”? Dark and Stormy night all the way.
• Buy or Borrow? Buy.
• New or used? New, but I love love love the used bookstore downtown.
• Buying choice: book reviews, recommendation or browse? Browse. And reccomendations from friends.
• Tidy ending or cliffhanger? Cliffhanger. Much more interesting.
• Morning reading, afternoon reading or nighttime reading? All the fucking time reading.
• Standalone or series? Standalone, except where Harry Potter is concerned.
• Favorite books read last year? Necklace of Kisses by Francesca Lia Block
• Favorite books of all time? Dangerous Angels -Francesca Lia Block, Every Harry Potter book ever, To Kill a Mockingbird, Rebecca -Daphne DuMaurier, and of course Bridget Jones' Diary.

In other news, I've started getting spam about puppies. My resolve is weakening. I'm in fear of becoming a victim of identity theft.

library

I love that i bring my laptop to the library, ostensibly to work on my wiki project. I did get some work done, but now I must obsessively check all my favorite blogs, facebook, myspace, and flickr. Just in case something monumental happened in the last two hours that I've been here.

Holy crap. One month of school left. Then I move into my new place. Alone. I'm totally getting a cat. May 15th, if anyone would like to help my parents and I carry all my stuff up three flights of stairs. Yeah?

blah

Got very very sick. My body is telling me to sleep more and drive around and smoke cigarettes less. Went to the ER, the nurse was visibly repulsed by what was growing in my throat. Spent all day yesterday in bed, passed out as a result of painkillers. The only thing that made the whole ER trip worthwhile was strong, callused, working hands caressing my back and singing classic rock to me to make me cheer up.

My throat still hurts a little, but if i take anymore pain killers I run the risk of a highly illegal and costly drug addiction and the risk of sleeping through the second day of classes in a row. Niether of which I can afford right now.

I registered for my classes for next semseter. Easiest registration ever. For the first time, I got into every class i wanted on the first try. I can't decide if my schedule will kill me or if its badass. Four history classes. Two 400 level, two 300 level. Period. Now, all I'll NEED to take my final semseter is 485 and write my senior thesis thingy. And i'm going to take a business class or two, so I can have some semblance of a marketable skill.

Decided not to drink until I am firmly entrenched in my new apartment. It has brought too much grief in the past week and is more than likely fully to blame for my sickness. So, two months or so, no drinking. Hell yeah I can do it.

not dead

i am quite alive.

just incapable of returning phone calls.

and coming face to face with how selfish i have been acting.

growing up?

So. I might have to stay in Fredericksburg for the summer. We have to sign a year long lease, and it dosen't make sense to pay for an apartment that I'm not living in. And I have a truly lovely job that I don't want to lose by going back to Williamsburg. The upside? I get to growup. The downside? My roomate, Caitlin, has no desire to stay here for the summer. If I can't get anyone to take the spot for the summer, she'll pay her half of the rent still, which is good. I don't know how I feel about living alone. So. If anyone knows of anyone who would like to share a two bedroom apartment with me for a few months, just let me know. Girls are preferred, because my dad won't help if i live with a boy (its a sin, dontchaknow?)

I'm feeling hopeless, but optimistically so. Does that make any sense? I know I'm crazy, but I've been thinking that maybe I'll go back to the psych services center and maybe I'll go to Dr. Lee and take meds again. For the record, if anyone who was a friend who got tired of constantly reassuring me and telling me i'm pretty and not a waste of life told me to go get some help, they'd be treated to a tearful diatribe about how professionals 'just don't get it.' While they don't know me, they probably know ten thousand other overwhelmed college girls just like me.

I think its the season. When its warm outside I just want to be normal. When its cold, wallowing in my own mental breakdown is fine. When its warm, i flock to office buildings and tell professionals all my problems, begging them to fix it. Of course they never do. Inevitably, they slip up and say some tired old adage and I go home and decide that professionals are full of baloney and I don't want them to judge my family or my childhood or my worldview.

I think I have a plan for when I graduate: Peace Corps, then hiking the Appalachian Trail. maybe then i'll settle down.

ohshit.

Spring Break is over. I should be heading off into the sunset to go back to Fredericksburg soon.

I don't wanna.

Yesterday, there was a bit of a family explosion. A bit = a lot. Nothing makes me want to be at home more than family related explosions. Nobody else truly understands like Dad and Debbie do. All I get from anyone else is pitiful gazes, and halfassed attempts to cheer me up with drinks or chocolates. I don't need pity.

I don't care if its a waste, I really just want to get a job and live in Williamsburg and work and just be here. I can't do history well with the way things are. I already dropped a class and I'm not so sure i'll do too hot in my other ones, I'd rather not have my parents spend a lot of money for me to get mediocre grades. It would really make me happy right now to work in a coffee shop full time and maybe have my biggest worry be rent or food or what to do after work tonite.

Fredericksburg will be the death of me.

there is nothing so unattractive to a man as strident feminism

Did you know that it wasn't that long ago that when women were raped, their underwear and dress were considered viable evidence to use to prove that they were 'asking for it'? Because if you put on a thong or silky panties, you automatically open your legs to any and every man you might encounter. Of course, they don't do this anymore, but what does that say about our society?

Speaking as a woman, this is outrageous. Completely and totally. But it speaks to the dichotomy that is present in many depictions of women. You're either the madonna or the whore. Men want both, need both, but don't want to see both qualities in the same woman. A man will meet a permissive woman in a bar, have amazing sex with her, and never call her again, cause she's a whore. You don't make long term plans with whores, you don't introduce them to your parents, and you don't go out on dates with them. Really, I say that man is just an asshole, but maybe that makes me the whore.

Really, which would you rather have? A woman who freely admits to having sex with people she dosen't love, but is safe about it and knows what she wants or a woman who has only had sex with people she loves, just in the missionary position with the lights out, and she didnt' really enjoy it too much? You can't have it all.

I'm so sick of feeling guilty about sex. Why does our society make it feel so dirty? I have had sex. Yes. With people I didn't love. Yes, I have made mistakes, but those are mine. I don't need your judgement over coffee anymore than I need your judgement in ten trillion repeated arguments that are ostensibly about video games and movies and plans and parties, but at the root are all about me and my whoredom. Trust me, the judgement I deal to myself late at night when I should be asleep is much harsher and much more personal than anything you could ever say or do. I enjoy having sex, and I don't feel bad for it. If that makes me a whore, then so be it.

hipster

I miss high school sometimes. Back when we were badass and the only ones who mattered. Always having Claire's place to play Mario Party and and Kat's bed to snuggle in seemed to make living in Williamsburg a bit more tolerable.

I don't get enough hugs. Claire and Kat and I used to hug every opportunity we got, and when we sat on couches or on Kat's bed, we snuggled, never totally separate. Sometimes I feel like an island.

I miss photography class.

Secretly, I thought the 'handjobla' joke was hilarious.

fuck you guys.

Williamsburg

This is shaping up to be quite a good visit.

What would you do if I sang out tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
I will try not to sing out of key, yeah
Oh, baby I get by with a little help from my friends
By with a little help from my friends.
All I need is my buddies
By with a little help from my friends
I said I'm gonna get by with a little
By with a little help from my friends
Whoa oh oh oh oh

stars

horoscope for today:
Withholding your feelings may seem like a good idea; however, it can distance you from others who are as attracted to you as you are to them. Instead of placing artificial boundaries around your heart, express your emotions without expecting anything in return. No matter what happens, your integrity and vulnerability can pave the way for lasting friendship.

On an unrealted note:

Baristas judge people based on their drinks...its true. Yesterday, when Sharon came in and ordered "the Angela special", i realized that my favorite thing to drink right now is totally worthy of judgement. Okay, take a deep breath and say this out loud:

"Iced soy latte with half a shot of hazelnut and an extra shot"

yeah.

studying is hard

Everytime I start to study, I get distracted. I go next door to see what my suitemates are up to. I flip channels idly to find a new reality show. I sit and stare and think about Spring Break.

I'm so excited for Spring Break. I'm going to keep the family drama to a minimum, hopefully get to hang out with Sam and Rebecca and everyone like old times, hang out with Eric like we're a normal couple, AND sit for a week doing mostly nothing. I'm stoked.

I'm totally stressed out. My pink Camel cigarettes are growing on me. Caitlin has be harranguing me about the ill effects of tobacco. I think that in a world where my sister parties harder than i do, a vice that keeps me going when I want to scream isn't so bad. Is it?

I'm completely depressed about my sister, for the record. Its like everyone has just given up. She's my baby sister! People shouldn't give up on her quite so easily....well, they shouldn't give up on her at all is what i'm going for.

life notes.

Dear Customers-
When asking for a pain in the butt drink, don't lean over the bar and talk about how you are a pain. I will not make you feel better by saying 'oh no you aren't' I will just smile and nod at what you say as i mix your 72 splendas into your sugarfree skim whatever with whip.

ps. If you left the whip off, you'd save a ton of calories. Its pure heavy cream. Pure FAT. Much like your bulbous rear end.

Dear Angela-
You are awesome, regardless of what others say (or don't say). You rock!

fuckwittage. in action.

I'm young, sexy, and beautiful.

I spend too much time complaining, not enough time actually doing things.

I rock.

in which angela deals with crippling depression

I'm sad. Part of me almost wishes I had kept with the blissful ignorance, because I'm falling back into the same habits that gave me two C's last semseter. I haven't done my Viking or Rome reading in a couple weeks, but I started reading Bridget Jones for what is easily the 200th time. For some reason, i find it really difficult to care about history but easy to care about Bridget Jones and her misadventures with men. My sister is self destructing and I'm giggling inwardly at the image of Bridget Jones flopping about in a communal dressing room with a little black dress stuck over her head.

I need to focus on the positive. Eric likes me, in spite of all of my neuroses and fishing for compliments. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see a really pretty girl. (of course, other times i just see the eyebrows that need waxing, the love handles that need toning, the spots that need concealing) At least now everyone knows what Brittany is up to. It used to be that I'd tell my parents that she's up to no good, and they'd respond with "well, she says she's not drinking, so you must be wrong!" wtf. If the situation wasn't so dire, I'd respond with a hearty 'told you so!' Of course now I just wish that i'd been wrong all those times. I'd give anything to have been wrong.

Caitlin and I checked out an awesome apartment yesterday. Its in an older place, so it dosen't have a lot of the crazy add ons that other places had, but the aparment was pretty spacious, which is awesome. It will be nice to get off campus and have my own room and such. I need to stop spending so much money so I can afford the deposits and application fees and yadda yadda yadda. Buying cheap Tshirts and makeup dosen't helpe me feel any better.

I miss my sister. I miss the way she used to be.

I just want my family to be okay.

best thing ever.

Adventure Time
Uploaded by jmp478

Watch this. If you don't like it, get off my blog.

whine.

I'm tired. Its freezing outside. I have to open tommorrow, which means waking up at 5 am. I don't want to read anymore history books, I want to lay in the sun and read a Christopher Moore book and listen to stupid pop on my ipod. I want to be home all the time, I'm tired of the dorm room that makes me feel all stuffy in my head. I'm breaking out and I want the streak in my hair to go away, but I want Debbie to do it so my hair doesn't fall out of my head. I want a cigarette. I miss my mom. I'm broke all the time, how will I ever move off campus?


But...

Its been almost a whole day and I haven't chewed my fingers (the bad ones are wrapped up in bandaids) so maybe i'll kick one gross habit. Eric came to visit and it was quite wonderful. I think I picked a badass topic to research in my Pop Culture class, and I don't have to work or go to class tonite, so I'm going to relax and do what I want. It will be awesome.

brains on strike

Ever since my overly productive day reading the whole focault book, my brain feels as if it has decided to quit.

Even though my brain is on strike, I've managed to finish almost all the work necessary for the weekend. I just have to write my precis on The History of Sexuality, and i'll be set for the weekend. Boo yah.

I'm going to have the best weekend of life. Justin Timberlake on friday! Eric visits on Saturday! woo hoo!

So. I uploaded some pictures to flickr. Its amazing, I'm shocked at how easy it is to use and how quickly addictive. I forsee a problem in the future.

in which angela is actually sober

Fun weekend. Small dorm party Friday, in which I made a new favorite friend and a drunk fool out of myself at the same time. Go me!

Saturday, i volunteered to designated drive. In the presence of many fine liquors and a full bottle of delicious 10 cane rum, I abstained. I just pushed everything that I would drink on my friends. Marshmal got so drunk, she accidentally went into someone else's dorm room. Poor girl.

I miss Sam. She hasn't called me, or contacted me past random two sentence IMs since I've been home. It kind of blows.

I hate that the only time I actually call Eric is when I'm drunk. When I'm sober, I'm too afraid of being annoying. And when I'm drunk I'm actually retardedly annoying. Go Angela!

The truth is, I like him a lot. No games necessary, stupid buttfaces making me think that they are.

Justin Timberlake on Friday and Eric on Saturday! Next weekend will rock. I just need to make it through this week of classes/work. Rock.

Ahh. The second week of classes. The thing I love about the first week of class is that Caitlin and I wake up an hour and a half before classes begin, shower, blowdry, straighten our hair, do our makeup, and plan matching outfits from shoes to jacket. The second week begins the dangerous backslide to waking up 10 mins before class starts, putting on jeans and a hoodie over whatever you slept in and booking it with a granola bar.

I'm sure that by the end of the semester, my classmates wonder what happend to the pretty girl and why a greasemonkey has taken her seat. Its cool. It happens. I'm cute, even when all I wear is my gimmie kiss hoodie and the same jeans over and over.

Speaking of my gimmie kiss hoodie, I hate when I have to explain it. Its my favorite hoodie, even if the joke started with him. I like kisses and hearts and pigs. Even if I did tell my pop culture class that I kiss pigs, I'm not going to retire it just yet. Even though I should, due to the nasty stain on it. Fucking greasy french fries.

I love living in virginia. No morning classes today at all. It took Norma approximately 3 hours to get to work, so I had to work quite late, and i got fucked over by Vocelli's pizza delivery. All because of approximately 3 inches of snow.

I wish I was home sometimes. Brittany is possibly/probably getting expelled from school. I don't know why, the fact that now everyone else knows what she is makes me really sad. My poor dad, he tried to raise her to be better than this. I miss all my stuff at home, my big bed, my sewing machine, dad and debbie, my puppy, and so on. I've never been this homesick before, I was always the kid who was eternally grateful to be away from her parents. Now i just want to go home.

I want to cook and stuff. And use my bento box! I still haven't used it, but it is at home, too. With my rice steamer and my creme brulee set and all of my cookbooks. I hate hate eating school food.

I had an amazing time this weekend hanging out with Caitlin, Jacki, and Sharon. I love them all so hard. I also love pink shooters and free jagerbombs.

I went to sleep at 6 am. I'm awake again, more or less ready for the world. Caitlin got up, and promptly went back to sleep when she realized class was cancelled. She had a full nights rest. I'm afraid of what that means. I'm having a mood swing, i think.

Being back at school is pretty sweet. My classes are 99.9% badass. How can Vikings in History and Film NOT be badass??

Caitlin and I are falling back into our old routines. Right now she's reading Cosmo and playing internet games and i'm watching sex and the city and facebooking. Its nice to know that no matter what, some things in your life will always stay the same. I'll make Caitlin feel uncomfortable and she'll laugh at my off color jokes. I love her. I told her to make sure I keep to the happy side of drunk and not the depressed angry side, which means I'll just drink less and stay off the phone. I'm sick of losing nights of my life.

Lately, my bed has felt too small, too cold, and much too lonely. Yeah, its a twin bunk bed, but right now I want someone to snuggle me and kiss me and make me feel beautiful. Someone quite specific. I am totally lame, but that's okay. I have to work all weekend, too. I was hoping to get to go home, but no. Sadface.

Caitlin and I had a very serious discussion earlier tonite about how on earth I manage to attract boys. I really couldn't tell you how it works, because i'm mostly retarded. Caitlin spends most of her time boggling at how stupid/wierd I am, but it seems that boys enjoy that??? How can you spend the whole night kissing someone who started off the evening by telling you that she peed on someone and that sea creatures don't pee, they make crystals? HOW???

Well, i'm off to bed. It might be lonely and cold, but i'm tired.

Not having any plans ever is apparently good for my blogging.

I hate where I am right now. I want to be a better person. I really don't enjoy the sick feeling in my stomach that lingers after I spend a night doing shots. I used to have interests. I used to win photography awards. I used to direct plays, and win competitions. I used to be so happy just to be me. I want that girl back. That's the girl everyone loves.

I refuse to drink my life away. I'm better than that.

Tilly and the Wall rock your face off.

Things that kind of piss me off, in no particular order:

1. Ignoring me in favor of your boyfriend. I officially apologize to anyone and everyone who has ever felt the least bit slighted because of any relationship I've ever been in. Its shitty. Its shit-tastic, actually. Ignoring me all week then expecting me to kiss you so the boyfriend you've been ignoring me for will be jealous? no comment.

2. Quite practically begging someone to call you...and then never getting a phone call. Lamesauce. I'm sorry, the time zone and it being late excuse is no excuse at all when the (incredibly sexy) girl who wants you to call is up until approximately 4 am.

3. Dude, i'm fully aware that we both crashed in Rebecca's living room. I know, I was there. We do have that in common, thanks for noticing. That does not mean I'd like to hook up with you at 7:30 am. Or ever. The only person I want to hook up with won't call me.

4. Why the hell would you say you'd be my friend and then be a complete douche? Seriously, why?

5. The sinking feeling you get when you realize that all your friends are having a shindig...and you are not invited. Its a spectactular shade of awesome.

Ahh. I love PostSecret.

I got a new car. Its sexy. Hella sexy. Everyone should be jealous of it. My car pooped out one too many times and now i've got a new one.

...and a car payment every other month.

Late night reflections on life are best when they are fueled by too much caffeine.

Having worked with food and/or the public since I was 16, i have noticed a strange phenomena. Customer approaches barista/chocolatier and asks, "what's good?" Barring the instinct to say, "in da hood??", I usually giggle and reply, "um, well...the [insert coffee drink/confection/pastry here] is MY favorite, its really good" Customer examines it and says, "oh, but is it FRESH?" Of course, i reply "but of course!" Customer looks at me as if i'm some sort of sexual deviant (which i very well may be, but that does not hamper my ability to suggest treats) and says suspiciously, "is it REALLY fresh?"
...well, fuck. That exact cake/carafe of coffee/chocolate is actually a relic from the Norman conquest of england, with a touch of bubonic plague. I've been serving it to unwitting customers all day on an endless rampage of death by pastry. Thanks to your inquisitiveness, you have saved yourself from an early grave. Bravo! ..."of course its really fresh!"

Customers make me giggle.

I love phone conversations that go so well that when you hang up the phone and look at the call timer, you are actually shocked at how long you chattered away at the poor soul on the other end....especially about something as mundane as which channel fraggle rock came on as a child.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12Z6pWhM6TA
This might be the cutest thing I've ever seen. In life. Sad that my first instinct is to e-mail it to someone in California? I hope not.

I've been spending ridiculous amounts of time alone or hanging out with Debbie. Not as bad as you might think. I needed a break from life and time for self reflection. I decided to to take a break from education classes for the semester. There's no sense in taking a class when i don't want to be there...I'll get absolutely nothing out of the class or the practicum experience. I've been telling Debbie all my misgivings about going into teaching, and I think a break is precisely what I need. I finally got the gonads to tell my dad yesterday at dinner. From the way he looked at me, you would have thought I said that I was thinking of getting impregnated by a crackhead. He thinks that since I'm history major, i need to do history for the rest of my life in order to "use" my degree. He frustrates me to no end. I chose a "real" school, and "real" major, with the understanding that once I got a degree, I'd finally be free to choose what I wanted to do with my life. I want to try the hair thing, I want to live in a city and work in a coffee shop and take pictures, I want to not have huge responsibilities for a while. I gave up on the idea of going to VCU (of course, Alex had something to do with that) and majoring in theater and photography so that I could do something 'real' so he'd be proud of me. I can't live my whole life trying to make up for Brittany or Mom or anybody. Its time for me to live for myself.

I don't even want to go back to Mary Wash. Lucky Alex, he found a way out. He's moving to Tennessee and going to school there for his senior year. He'll be happy, I'm glad for him. Me? I'll stifle in Fredericksburg for a while more. Then its off to NYC or at least Richmond. Maybe I'll try to transfer to William and Mary...then i could work on my hair apprenticeship and go to school at the same time. There's really only one person at Mary Wash that i'd miss crazily, and thats Miss Marshmal, and she wants to go to UD. Who knows what will happen? Given my grades last semester, transferring probably isn't even such a good idea. Nobody will take me.

ps- does anyone else feel like there's something fishy with this US bombing in Somalia? It was just last week that I read a news report where all civilians were being forced to disarm...its sounding much like that scary gun propaganda that alex's dad had.

Musings for the car ride home from Blacksburg:

Why don't gas purchases show up in my online account balance? I live in fear of accidentally embarking on a crime spree of stolen gas due to card processing error. I bought gas...forever ago, and its not in there.

Why is it that I can dispense the best advice for other people? I know Shannon won't listen, but she needs to get out and get over Rob. Anyone that chooses World of Warcraft (and their in-game girlfriend) over their wife/girlfriend is a serious loser. serious.

Why am I such a wimp? ...stop waiting for a phone call. just dial. do it.

What am I going to do with my life? I need to decide if i'm going to take that education class or not. Like. For Real. I don't want to teach! I don't wanna!!

I'm tired of being unemployed. I'm booored.

I can't decide if I should drop my Viking history class in favor of my last education class that has a practicum, just in case I decide to keep the teaching thing going. But. Vikings. In history and film. How badass??

I want to be away from my parents and work at my coffee shop and drink with my roomie.

I want all the people I love in the same place.

Horoscope for Jan. 3, 2007:
Finding balance is important, for without feelings your life ends up cold and dry.

My birthday/new years was a series of emotional ups and downs. I'm feeling good now.

I'm feeling retardedly creative. and talkative. I want to tell everyone my feeeeeelings.

I can't sleep. I've updated facebook, and myspace.

I'm considering signing up for a flickr account, but the internet already sucks up a lot of life/time.