in which angela deals with crippling depression

I'm sad. Part of me almost wishes I had kept with the blissful ignorance, because I'm falling back into the same habits that gave me two C's last semseter. I haven't done my Viking or Rome reading in a couple weeks, but I started reading Bridget Jones for what is easily the 200th time. For some reason, i find it really difficult to care about history but easy to care about Bridget Jones and her misadventures with men. My sister is self destructing and I'm giggling inwardly at the image of Bridget Jones flopping about in a communal dressing room with a little black dress stuck over her head.

I need to focus on the positive. Eric likes me, in spite of all of my neuroses and fishing for compliments. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see a really pretty girl. (of course, other times i just see the eyebrows that need waxing, the love handles that need toning, the spots that need concealing) At least now everyone knows what Brittany is up to. It used to be that I'd tell my parents that she's up to no good, and they'd respond with "well, she says she's not drinking, so you must be wrong!" wtf. If the situation wasn't so dire, I'd respond with a hearty 'told you so!' Of course now I just wish that i'd been wrong all those times. I'd give anything to have been wrong.

Caitlin and I checked out an awesome apartment yesterday. Its in an older place, so it dosen't have a lot of the crazy add ons that other places had, but the aparment was pretty spacious, which is awesome. It will be nice to get off campus and have my own room and such. I need to stop spending so much money so I can afford the deposits and application fees and yadda yadda yadda. Buying cheap Tshirts and makeup dosen't helpe me feel any better.

I miss my sister. I miss the way she used to be.

I just want my family to be okay.