I'm shifting.

Now that my moods have a name, they seem so much easier to define. I'm "manic", not just happy. I've actually grown to love this change from up to down and back again. How can you appreciate the highest highs without knowing the lowest lows?

I can truly appreciate the days when I feel like the number one girl, totally on top of the world because I've had days where I lay in bed staring at the ceiling wondering if its even worth my time to wash my hair. Ahh, I got too close to Sylvia Plath there. Don't worry, my head's not going out in an oven, i'm not ballsy enough for that.

My psychaitrist took feeling the same way every day as a victory for him and his medicine. I liked it, for a while...then the realization that every day was
exactly
the
same.
Boring. At least when I let my mind do what it wants, i have different days with different stories to tell. There are days when I drink and steal and giggle madly and days when I drink but keep my head in the toilet, sobbing. I like the variety. It makes life interesting.